Black don't Crack

I'm in a place where I never thought I would be, hell always said Black don't Crack. You know we blacks we've got thicker skin nothing can break us, but lately am seeing cracks in all corners of my life. More especially my family life now that's a mystery i have no idea what's happening. First it was my cousin now its his sister talk about losing family members in such a short space of time between them, its actually becoming a pattern. With a family like mine its getting harder and harder to arrange for burials as each family has its own issues like they will never experience death so the rest of us should see how we bury each other, ya neh.

It has come to a point where i have mixed emotions, i feel angry, mad , tired, like there is no way out am stuck in this rut with no where to go. Today woke up in a messed up mood and its getting worse as the day progresses, just a few minutes ago just heard that Uncle's wife disappeared and no one knows where she is, she just left the initiation house without telling no one where she is going and left everything behind, money, cellphone, clothes, she didn't even give them a chance to release her from the school. As for the funeral arrangements all that's been said is the burial is for 8:00am. what we were discussing with my mom is to upgrade the coffin and buy meat but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. we just gonna be responsible for the burial ourselves as no one could be bothered but they want people to them when in need. I wonder how does that work honestly but you know what God is great, He will see us through this. the emotions that am going through will pass and it will be just a distant memory. For now i just need someone to hold me and let me cry for as long as I want, no uttered words, no questions just let me be. That's all I need for now.

And hope that things come together and we may lay our sister cousin to her final resting place with no hiccups. May Her Soul Rest In Peace

Back to Basics

Recently, I've been trying to treat the symptoms of a starved spiritual life. I see apathy and covetousness and laziness and impatience and doubtfulness and irresponsibility bubbling up in my character. My knee-jerk reaction is to respond to every symptom with a 5-step plan towards conquering the symptom. Somehow, the harder I try, the worse it gets. Inevitably, I get overwhelmed and discouraged.

Perhaps I've been pulling the trigger before loading the bullet.

One thing I know for sure is that my scriptural intake has reduced in the last several weeks. I'm drying up (spiritually speaking) and the symptoms are getting worse. I've been supplementing my relationship with God with other things. It's time to get back to the basics.

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."
(2 Timothy 3:16-17 ESV)

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."
(James 1:22-25 ESV)

Are you getting starved? Is it time to get back to the basics? Start by drinking from the living water of the God's word.

Creating Performance in a Relationship

Imagine going to bed at night with one person and waking up next to a seemingly different person in the morning. What would it be like never knowing what to expect from the person next to you? Never knowing what kind of mood they’ll be in that day? Even to the most adventurous among us, it would prove tiresome very quickly. We rely on consistency in others in order to know where we stand and what to expect in a relationship. You cannot easily commit to something or someone you cannot understand.
Like all people, you come with duality. First, you have your innate personality, which lies at the very core of your being. It is your driving core motive that inspires your deepest and most natural way of being. Second, you have your character, derived from outside influences and enhanced by personal choice. You are a unique blending of who you were born to be and who you choose to be. Once determined, you must commit to being your best self—authentically and consistently. Then allow people to trust and connect with you without fear of disappointment or betrayal.
Whatever it is you want your relationships to be about, you must personally commit to being yourself. If you want loyalty, be loyal. If you want fun, be fun. If you want kindness, be kind. Don’t desire something from another that you are unwilling to give yourself. When you enter a relationship, have your game plan and stay true to it. Play to your strengths and consistently expect the things you believe are fair and legitimate from the other person. Never apologize when asking for attitudes and/or behaviors that enhance and lift your relationship. However, remember that what you deem appropriate and easy is not necessarily the case for the other person.
Opposites attract. Subsequently you must be patient and persevering in helping others appreciate the things you value in a relationship. Remember what you are about and remain committed to your game plan. If you want to travel, inspire your partner to see its benefits. If you’d rather stay home than go out, then make staying home fun for your partner. Decide what you desire to be about in the relationship. Commit to it and be consistent.
Resonance occurs when what you claim you are about aligns with how you actually behave. It strikes others as genuine, legitimate, and believable. Your actions convince others that you will remain consistent with how you market yourself. Are your personal and professional relationships successful? If so, what are you doing to enhance them? If not, what is it about you that blocks their effectiveness? Can you trust yourself to remain consistent regardless of how the other individual chooses to behave? Now that's a tricky one :)
One of the great signs of resonant people is their ability to stay true to how they choose to act regardless of others’ inconsistent behavior. Are you capable of exactness when others around you change to accommodate their fears and/or selfish whims? When you can be true to whomever you choose to be, regardless of others’ responses, you can become resonant in your relationships.
The questions remain, “Who do you choose to be? What do you choose to be about?” Eventually, your life becomes about the relationships you create. Relationships demand consistency and commitment. They begin by each individual choosing a source of action—a way of life with which they will become congruent in how they think and behave everyday. In the beginning, we choose who we want to be (or not!) by observing our parents. Eventually our innate personalities weigh in with their influence. Society colors our self-perceptions of what is appropriate and acceptable. In the end, we blend nature and nurture into a unique commitment of what we want to be about and how we want to behave in our relationships.
Ultimately, you are what you do. Congruent people behave as they say they will, which brings trust and confidence to their relationships. Does your behavior bring confidence and trust to others? Can they expect you to behave consistently with the individual you purported yourself to be? Resonance in relationships has little to do with the other person and everything to do with you. Commit to being the person you want to be. Consistently play to your strengths and align daily behavior with your game plan. All life is about relationships. This is my  life and I choose how to live it and with whom i choose to live with, nje!!!!

Becoming A Woman Of Worth

A Letter to my Kiddies

Dear Kabelo and Kelebogile before i was your mom I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body,I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby,I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child,I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy,oh how I love you and miss you dearly....mcwahh. Faith can get u a long way and I've come to know that a lack thereof can be a major setback. aaahhh man! Feeling blessed... (^^,).

So my day is finally here

I'm THIRTY years old. These are my thoughts:
Maybe I should start taking care of my skin.
I wonder if I will accomplish as many big moments in my 30s as I did in my 20s? and if not, does that mean my 30's will be nice and easy and effortless? Intriguing, yet not really my style... but there is something to say about easy... I'm game. Looking back, I'm glad to be sitting on a heap of blessings that abounded in my 20s
In ten years, my Purpose and Happiness has evolved to something much more worthwhile and fulfilling.
With much less effort in comparison, I feel prettier, sexier, and more whole in my skin today than I did the day I turned 20.  Odd realization... but woooonderful.  
My favorite moments in my 20s:
-Delivering my firstborn... just me and Kb... and the color that suddenly rushed into my world. My life was suddenly saturated with Purpose.
-That sunny day when I sent Lerato out for a pregnancy test... too early to check, but I did it anyway.  And that tiny pink line.
-Giving birth to myPrincess in that big hospital... quiet... cozy... and introducing her to his brother and his brother to her. Sadly she didn't make it past 4 months
-And the day I realized that when nothing goes right, GO LEFT. That a positive attitude nd positive outlook on life nd its challenges will get us far like 'bridge over troubled water'.
Now THIRTY, let's get on with it.  I'm a force to be reckoned with and I'm ready to do some livin' and a fair amount of lovin'.  I'm the best version of myself now... and I'm excited about what the future holds for me and my manlies.
What ever happened to being Nice? Being Kind? Our words matter. Our actions matter.
We have the ability in every moment to choose to be kind or cruel, patient or demanding, sarcastic or encouraging. We have a choice.
And in those moments, we are teaching our children what it is to be an adult... It's so so important that we model the behavior and attitude that we hope for our children to adopt.
Maybe it's because I've turned 30... maybe it's just the Mother in me, but I have gotten into a habit of avoiding situations/people that bring me down.  Does that make me selfish?  Having a bad day or being bummed out is one thing- but a constant drip of negative energy/actions/words is far more insidious.  And it sucks the life out of me.
With facebook right at our fingertips, we embrace the power to declare/affirm/announce some of the most destructive thoughts to hundreds of people at a time.
Why are we so centered on ourselves that we don't actually see the personality we are constructing online?
 I want my boy to be kind. I want him to understand the power of their words. I want him to feel in control of his actions and reactions... because we all have that choice. No circumstance negates us choosing how we react. And I want him to understand that what he say/do will have a ripple affect that touches everyone around him... Oh, the power we hold in our mouths!
We will practice Kindness in our nest this summer.  Real honest exercises in Kindness.... because God help me if my kid becomes snarky, self absorbed, whiney, cynical grown man.  omg, did I just say that on my blog?
We've got to be kind again...
We've got to get back into a pattern of encouragement.
We've got to understand that our words are powerful.
Our children deserve it.
We leave an impression with every.single.person we touch... What will mine be? What will your's be?